Behind her Hazel Eyes
by Charmedfan90
Summary: What Phoebe wrote in her letters to Cole and her sisters.


The song and lyrics belong to Kelly Clarkson…so let me know what you think… 

Phoebe sighed, walking around her and Cole's room in the condo. As she continued to walk around, she put a hand on her stomach, thinking about her sisters.

Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me

Having that premonition reminded Phoebe how good it felt to actually do good again. Saving innocents, being with her sisters. Phoebe sighed, thinking about her sisters, especially seeing how mad Piper was at her. She said that she couldn't play both sides, save the demon and the innocent. As she thought about the demons, it led her to thinking about Cole. Cole had used to be so good to her, and respected her with her family. If she would have only listened to Paige earlier, and her own instincts, she probably wouldn't be the Queen of All Evil.

_I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right_

Phoebe desperately wanted to see her sisters again, and be with them, but another part of her wanted to be with Cole still. How can she be having these feelings still? He ripped her away from her family, and he was hardly even around anymore. What happened to them, how could her life get this screwed up?

_Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

Now Cole was telling her that she couldn't have it both ways either. She had to make a choice between her sisters, and Cole. How can they expect her to choose? She is having Cole's…or was it the Source's child? Paige was the only one who seemed to talk to her still.

Phoebe sighed, but knew she had to choose. Maybe throwing some Ask Phoebe logic will help me, she thought, walking over to the desk, and grabbing paper and pen. She needed to write goodbye letters to her sisters, and Cole…then decide which one she was going to send. She started with her sisters.

_Piper and Paige,_

_Guys…I miss you so much. It hurts so much not to be with you, and do all the sisterly things we used to do. Piper- it pains me to write, or even contemplate this. You were the best big sister a girl could ask for…and I thank you for everything you have done for me all my life. Defending me against Prue…helping me make her memory a happy one. But I can't keep giving you false hope that I'll return, and be apart of the Power of Three once again. You are my sister, and I will always love you, but I can't see you or Paige ever again. I can't deny my child his or her father, and I cannot put you and Paige in any more danger than I already have…I'm sorry…_

_Paige…my baby sister…_she stopped writing to wipe her eyes as the tears were trying to splash themselves on the paper. _I am so sorry I didn't listen to you. I doubted your feelings, and trust, and I am so sorry I cannot ever make that up to you. I won't be able to tell you about Prue like I wanted, and help you with the craft, or anything anymore. Paige, I wish I got to know you better…please be good to Piper, she is going to need you…_

_My sisters…please forgive me, because I am too scared to leave Cole._

_Will always love you both…_

_Phoebe_

Phoebe just ignored the tears hitting the paper now, and went onto a clean sheet.

_Cole,_

_You were one of the best things to come to me in my life…at first. You used to be here Cole, you helped me get over Prue's death, and even dodging bounty hunters you were there. We are making a child right now, and that makes me happy. What doesn't is that I literally became the Queen of All Evil for you, to save us. You have torn me away from my family, and…I can't do that. Not even for you, not again. I have done that, and it hurts so much Cole. I'm sorry, but I can't stay with you any longer, because I can't keep denying my heritage, and my sisters anymore. I do love you Cole…and I always will. _Phoebe stopped writing, and wiped her eyes once again. It was so hard to say goodbye to both Cole and her sisters. Picking up her pen once again she began to write once again. _I hate to be one of the people to abandon you…but you gave up on yourself and us. I'm sorry._

_I love you…_

_Phoebe_

As Phoebe stared at the letters in front of her, she still couldn't really choose. She hated being cut off from all the rest of her family. She would never see Grams, her Mom…or maybe even Prue ever again.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one_

She heard Cole flame in, and she didn't turn around to him. He slowly walked over towards Phoebe. Pretty much him and the Source were one, but despite that, he was still trying to break free, to save her, but he couldn't. "Phoebe…" he put a hand on her arm, and she shrugged it off. He saw the letters, and her tearstained face. "What is this?"

"Goodbye letters. One for you…and one for my sisters," Phoebe said wiping her eyes. "I haven't decided which one to send," The Source's anger took over Cole, and he turned Phoebe around.

"You are going to need to choose," he said in a stern voice.

_Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes  
_

"Cole…" Phoebe started, and looked where she had dumped the Seer's tonic earlier, and saw the plant was dying. "Did you know about the tonic…that she put her own blood in it?" she had to know.

He stayed silent for a moment, and then nodded his head. "It is good for the baby," he murmured.

"Cole…you knew this whole time…the tonic…" she growled.

"Well at least I am not going around vanquishing demons!" Cole shot back.

"It is who I am Cole!" Phoebe shouted back at him. "I am denying my heritage, my powers! My sisters," she continued on.

"You can't have both me and your sisters Phoebe. So what is it going to be, me or your sisters?" he asked grabbing the tonic, and leaning close to her. She closed her eyes, tears still streaming down her face. Phoebe reluctantly took the tonic, and downed it.

_I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside_

"Good," Cole said attempting to hug her. At first she started to lean into him, but then she felt a queasy feeling hit her and she pulled away from Cole and sprinted for the bathroom slamming the door. The tonic came flooding back up and she threw it up into the toilet, clutching her stomach in pain. "Phoebe," she could hear Cole's voice on the other side of the door. She just continued to hold her stomach, and felt sobs wracking her body. Outside, Leo orbed Piper and Paige over to where Cole was. Piper flicked her wrists at Cole and instantly he blew up, his cells scattering around.

"Paige the crystals," Piper said, gesturing over to where Cole was. Paige instantly started to circle the crystals around him, but he reformed and backhanded Paige summoning an energy ball.

"I will kill you," he warned, and Phoebe heard it.

"Phoebe…can't you hear him?" Paige pleaded standing up. Phoebe closed her eyes tightly, and she knew what she had to do.

'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces

Phoebe got up and went to the door, and sighed deeply before opening it. Phoebe walked over towards them, but stopped to pick up the crystal. "Phoebe…I'm sorry," Cole said, and she knew he was. Tears still pouring down her face, she wrapped her arms around him and put a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I know…" she said, pulling away. "And I'm sorry too," she whispered, backing away from Cole. "I love you…" she whispered, grabbing her sisters hands.

"Phoebe…no…" he whispered.

"Prudence, Penelope, Patricia," Piper started to chant, and this is where Phoebe was supposed to jump in.

_Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
_

"Astrid…Helen…" Phoebe managed to choke out, squeezing onto her sisters tightly.

"Laura and Grace," Paige finished up the first part of the chant. "Halliwell witches stand strong beside us," they chanted together. Flames licked around Cole, and he looked scared at Phoebe.

"I love you," he said, as the flames started to shoot up his body.

_Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

"Vanquish this evil from time and space," they chanted together, and Phoebe turned away as the love of her life was vanquished. She fell to her knees as he was as the room that used to be apart of her and Cole's home was destroyed.

Piper and Paige huddled down to their sister, and they held her. Paige closed her eyes, and orbs surrounded them. Phoebe continued to cry as they held her, and eventually she fell asleep. Paige and Piper let go of Phoebe as Leo picked her up, and orbed her into her old bed. As Phoebe slept, she was plagued by dreams of Cole's face and words right before her sisters came. Now he has his answer…

Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore... 

Phoebe had continued to cry for the next couple days, and Paige and Piper had no idea how to reach their sister.

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces 

Paige and Piper walked into Phoebe's room, and once again grabbing a hold of her pillow and pushing it against herself. Piper instantly laid down next to Phoebe, and wrapped her arms around her.

Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

Paige went around to the other side and cuddled up next to her older sister. As Piper and Paige held their sister, her tears started to subside.

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one 

"We'll get through this Phoebe," Piper whispered. Phoebe nodded.

"I know," Phoebe managed to choke out.

"I'm so sorry," Paige whispered, and Phoebe wrapped her arms around her.

"I'll be ok," Phoebe whispered to her little sister. "So will our baby," she whispered, wiping her eyes.

"Do you want me to call Elise, and let you stay home?" Piper offered, but Phoebe shook her head.

"No I'll be fine…thanks," Phoebe whispered. Piper and Paige nodded, but really didn't believe her.

"You know we are here if you want to talk," Paige said.

"Anytime," Piper added.

"Piper, Paige…thanks," Phoebe said, her voice cracking. Phoebe wasn't ready to talk to them yet, but she will be.

Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

As they walked away, Phoebe gave herself a tiny smile, and she knew that she and her baby will be ok.


End file.
